I am not from a military family. No one in my generation has served. Those in previous generations who served either by enlisting or being drafted, did not talk about their service. This is not a point of pride. It is merely my reality. Because of this, growing up, Veteran's Day felt like it belonged to other people. I felt a distant sense of gratitude for our country's founders and the many people who gave of their lives to give me the life I led, but I didn't connect with it personally. Now, as an adult, I personally know many people who did or do serve: friends from high school, musicians who joined the military ensembles (all fiercely talented), and the family members of close friends. I feel much more connected to the many specific, daily sacrifices those who serve and those who love them make. I am humbled and honored by their service. I am proud to live in a country where people feel compelled to serve. If you or someone you love is or will be a veteran, I thank you, truly. Your service is part of what makes America a great country. It has been hard, this week, to feel patriotic. I, like 90% of the people I know, am very disappointed in the results of the presidential election. As an artist and a progressive, I worry that our country will lose a lot of what we have gained in the past decade: health care, gay marriage, environmental protections, and all manner of other progressive policies. So today I am grateful to have a day to reflect on the many people who have devoted their lives to the service of our country. Today we honor veterans, specifically, but I am reminded that there are countless ways that we can serve. I am finding there is some hope and comfort in seeking ways to contribute to the good of our country and all its many residents. As I look for ways in which I can give of my time and resources, I hope you all will as well, no matter your political persuasion, no matter your talents, and no matter your financial resources. These songs made me feel better about my country today, and it made me feel grateful to be an American. I hope they do the same for you. |
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It's out of my hands. I've done what I can do. I showed up. I cast my vote. I said my peace. I encouraged others to do the same.
I am a workaholic. I am compelled to chase every idea I have. I feel responsible for fixing every problem for which I can perceive a solution. This is possibly my most defining characteristic - at least in my own characterization of myself. There are some amazing upsides: I founded an opera company with no money, and only human resources, which, more than a decade later, continues to thrive against all odds. I've performed in operas across the world. I've designed policies and procedures, rebuilt filing systems, built databases, built accounting systems, raised money, produced concerts, written millions of words, sent and received bazillions of emails, repaired broken professional relationships for employers, collected tens of thousands of dollars in unpaid invoices, joined clubs, attended live performances, memorized millions of notes and words in foreign languages, taught countless voice lessons, and driven hundreds of thousands of miles. My life is rich for the people I've met and the experiences I've had. I am perpetually pushed to the limits of what my brain and body can handle. It's all very stimulating. There are also downsides: I've lost important relationships. I failed in my marriage. I have alienated friends and family members. I've shed many tears. I've missed important events in other people's lives. I've lost thousands of hours of sleep. I've made myself sick. I've had panic attacks. I've suffered from crippling depression. I've divided and subdivided my attention many times over. I've missed out on my own life because I was too focused on what came next. I've been profoundly lonely, lost, and unhappy. I've felt like I would never, ever be enough. I am not alone in my workaholism. My struggle is not special or new or set apart from the struggles of others. But it's my struggle. Seth Godin's quote, which is the subject of this blog post, showed up in my inbox this morning. It spoke to me. I believe he meant it as a call to action - that we should all do what we can do, but I heard it as a call to let go, to sit still, and to have faith. It will be particularly hard to do those things today, given the stakes, but me wringing my hands will accomplish nothing. Obsessively refreshing FiveThirtyEight will not change the outcome. Posting articles on the echo-chamber that is Facebook will not sway anyone in my circles to vote any differently than they'd already planned. For me, as a citizen and not a campaign staffer, having already cast my vote, the work is done. I want to be more present, more relaxed, more healthy, more available, and free from the pressure of self-imposed obligations. I want my artistry to be more complete and my experience of life on this planet to be more whole. I want my relationships to be as deep and as meaningful as they can be. If I can use today, this election day, to practice non-doing, maybe that's a good start. And maybe that's enough.
If I were the arbiter of all things, I would abolish Day Light Savings. The one extra hour we "gain" when we turn the clocks back each fall makes my church job a little easier for that one day, but does not make up for the week of fatigue and disorientation that follows, nor the seemingly unending period of darkness. Those cold months are hard enough without the sun setting at 4:00 p.m. How is one to stay motivated to do anything at all besides watch Netflix and drink hot chocolate?
Of course if I were the arbiter of all things, I'm fairly certain that Day Light Savings would not be on the top of my list of things to change. There are some more pressing issues (see: world hunger, cancer, 2016 US election politics) to which I'd probably attend. But surely come "Spring Forward" I would be reminded of this time change nonsense and put an end to all that noise. Ah, to be the arbiter of all things...
Last night I watched a lovely and inspiring documentary called Alive Inside. Everyone with access to Netflix should take the time to watch this film. It demonstrates the power of music, the tremendous determination of one man, and the triumph of the human spirit. Here's the trailer: It's not terribly long - a little over an hour - and if you are not moved by it, well, I don't know what's wrong with you.
Musicians of all stripes, myself included, question the importance and validity of our work. Society frequently sends us messages that our pursuits are selfish, provide no value, or are generally unwanted. This film refutes that. Music matters. Music is about the heart and soul of humanity. Music makes us who we are. Last year at this time, I was in tech week for Opera on the James's production of Carmen. I loved my time working for this company, and I really enjoyed the production. This year, they are preparing for a Rigoletto. Shout out to my friends and colleagues in Lynchburg, VA. Wishing I was there to see you perform! If you're anywhere nearby, check out this fantastic company doing really great work. I spent the evening at a friend's birthday gathering. The attendees at this event included two composers, an actor, a choreographer, a filmmaker, and me. They were all, undoubtedly, smarter than I am and I found myself humbled by my lack of knowledge about several topics of conversation - although I definitely held my own in the area of vocal style and the operatic tradition. I left the evening feeling exhilarated by stimulating conversation and embarrassed by many glaring holes in my knowledge of certain topics of great global significance. On my way home, I made a promise to myself to read more.
I also have a group of girlfriends with whom I have an ongoing group text. We hear from each other most days about both the mundane and the extraordinary events of our daily lives. Every day I am humbled by each of their strengths, insights, and commitment to personal growth. They make me strive to live a better, more meaningful, more honest life. They inspire me to let go of things that do not serve me and to think about things in new ways. I am a better person because of these ladies. I hope you, dear reader, also have people in your life who challenge you to grow and learn. |
AuthorOpera singer, opera producer, podcast co-host, lover of music, travel, food, and all things mind-bending. Archives
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